Ghosts from the Past
by Jenny wrens
Summary: Lucas and Nathan are at an impasse and the situation seems to be escalating. Kristin feels caught up in the middle of their conflict, drudging up unwanted memories from her past, recollections she's constantly refused to deal with and can't seem to brush aside any longer.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N Hey seaQuest readers,**_

 _ **I posted this story a while back calling it Kristin's story. I wasn't pleased with it so I pulled it down. I have since done some revisions. I was inspired to write it after reading another fanfic called Nathan's Dilemma. (written by Sawyer's Peace) He hinted at something about Kristin in his story and I took the hint and ran with it. I contacted Sawyer and asked his permission to use his idea. My story is a continuation of his story. My direction will be entirely different and original to me. It is not necessary to read his story to read mine but by all means, feel free to read Sawyer's story and review it for him. His story is intriguing and heartfelt.**_

 _ **I will give you a brief synopsis here:**_

 _ **Lucas left Seaquest without permission, took the Stinger and Nathan's motorcycle and essentially spent a day partying with friends. He was caught by authorities for underage drinking. Nathan disciplines him in a more old-fashioned way which seems to immensely upset Kristin, essentially confusing Nathan who feels guilty enough already about his decision. Lucas is depicted as being much younger in this story...14 years old.**_

 _ **Nathan grounds Lucas for a week as well...Lucas must shadow Nathan every day for seven days. Tempers are running high.**_

 _ **This is where my story begins.**_

 _ **I can't promise to update often but I will post when I can.**_

Kristin pulled away from her microscope and rubbed her eyes, trying to clear her vision. Her eyes burned with the strain of hours of work. She'd been fighting her loss of focus all day and hadn't accomplished much. The truth was she missed Lucas. The teenager was generally good company and a hard worker. Kristin missed his jovial chatter and nonsensical sense of humour. The fact of the matter was her lab was just too quiet without him. Looking around, Kristin almost snickered to herself for her thoughts being so silly. The lab was alive with the movement of other scientists as they scurried around the place, yet without Lucas, it just felt empty to her. Kristin dropped her hands to her sides and decided to go say hello to Darwin. She knew the poor mammal was feeling just as dejected and lonesome as she felt. Lucas hadn't had time to be with the dolphin since Nathan had grounded him. They were on day four of seven of Lucas shadowing Nathan and the whole ship felt tense. Lucas wasn't in a pleasant mood at all, and Nathan's patience was wearing thin. Perhaps, Nathan's idea hadn't been so brilliant after all.

Kristin wandered out towards the moon pool and smiled when she saw Darwin hovering at the surface. She reached out and patted him on his smooth melon head. Darwin chirped and waved his head up and down in excitement. Kristin sat on the edge and enjoyed a moment of solitude as she listened to Darwin's happy chirps. In many ways, Darwin reminded her of a friendly dog, rather than a dolphin. She considered switching on the vocoder to hear what Darwin was saying to her but in the end decided against it. It was just nice to be alone with her thoughts.

"I'm sick of it, alright? Just go away and leave me alone!"

Kristin spun around on her heel when she heard Lucas' angry voice burst into her thoughts. She was surprised to see the teenager storming across c-deck towards the moon pool. He gruffly pushed past her and dove into the pool, sending a wave of water splashing over the side and all over her.

"Lucas Wolenczak, get your butt back here!" demanded Nathan as he strode onto the deck looking completely exasperated.

Lucas breached the surface and kept swimming away from them with Darwin at his side, clicking happily to see his long lost friend.

"Lucas, if you don't come back this instant, your punishment will be extended by one week!"

Nathan stood on the edge of the moon pool gaping in frustration as he watched the teenager disappear into the distance only to hear him shout that he didn't care.

"Damn that kid!" he muttered.

Kristin attempted to brush off some of the water as she placed a wet hand on Nathan's tense shoulders; she looked at him with her soft green eyes full of compassion.

"Rough day?"

Nathan shrugged his shoulders slightly and sat on the edge heaving a weary sigh.

"I had no idea how obstinate he could be. He can't take a simple order without some kind of comment or argument."

"That doesn't sound like Lucas."

"Sometimes, I don't want his input," continued Nathan, not seeming to hear Kirsten's comment. "Sometimes, I just want him to follow an order without a commentary."

"Did you tell him that?"

Nathan looked at her incredulously. "I shouldn't have to. He's old enough to know when matters require his opinion or his immediate obedience."

"Are you sure about that, Nathan?"

Nathan glared at her. "Yes, damn it."

Kristin blinked at his sharp response to her. He was really angry. It wasn't like Nathan to get this angry with Lucas.

"What happened, Nathan?"

Nathan began to pace, placing his hands behind his back. Her brow was furrowed as he strode back and forth, almost stomping his feet.

"The Admiral is here, and Jonathan and I have been discussing some classified information with him. Lucas burst into the room in a huff about something ridiculous to do with him and Ben. I asked him to work it out, but he flew off the handle saying I never listen and always brush him aside. His temper was so uncharacteristic, Kristin. I'm actually surprised."

"Nathan, you've been working him really hard this week, and it's only been four days. Your work days are long, much longer than he's used to, and you have him occupied with lots of different projects. Don't you think he deserves a break?"

Nathan stopped pacing and looked at her in disbelief.

"No, I don't. This was meant to be punishment, Kristin, not some joke."

Kristin felt her own temper rise. "I realise that, Nathan, but he's still only a 14-year-old boy, not a man. He can't be expected to keep up to you in the workplace. Besides, you said yourself that you wanted to use the time to bond with him and tie heartstrings. How can you do that when all you do is work? He's still a teenager, Nathan. He needs to have a little fun sometimes, and it wouldn't hurt you to have some fun once and awhile either."

"He's going to find himself across my knee again if he doesn't knock off the attitude. I've had it with his flippant behaviour."

Kristin wrung her hands nervously at the words and stood to stare at the irate man in front of her. She hated when he voiced such thoughts like spanking Lucas was some kind of magic cure to his behaviour. She hadn't seen this side of Nathan before, and she didn't like it. Before, when Lucas had first gotten in trouble, Nathan had seemed reserved and full of regret but now he seemed hell-bent on taking things further than she felt necessary.

"I think you need some time to calm down before you speak with the boy again, Nathan, or you're liable to say or do something you'll regret. I admit that his barging in the Wardroom was rude, but it's not worth the reaction your having to it. Don't you think you've just allowed your frustration level build to a crescendo?"

Nathan stood there dumbfounded, staring at her as his comlink rang out. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled it out and answered it gruffly.

"Captain Bridger."

"Captain, Lucas just came up out of the moon pool on the bridge and managed to splash water across the main console, blowing the capacitors. He stormed off the bridge in a huff," said Jonathan, sounding furious with the teenager.

Nathan sighed. "Can you fix it, Commander?"

"Yes, Tim is managing to remedy some of the damage as we speak, but Captain, it's going to delay things for the Admiral by several hours."

Nathan pinched his nose, a pained expression on his face.

"Do your best, Commander. It's all you can do. Any idea where Lucas went?"

"Sorry, Captain. I have no clue. If I did, I would throttle him!"

Kristin shuddered at the anger in the commander's voice as the call disconnected. Tempers were running at an all-time high, and it was making her feel very uncomfortable. Kristin crossed her arms in weary consternation as she watched Nathan's jaw muscles contract several times before he turned to look at her.

"I've reached the end of my rope with him, Kris."

"So, what are you going to do?"

Nathan scowled. "I don't think you want to know."

With those hard words, Nathan turned to leave. Kristin reached out and caught the crook of his arm in her hand.

"Nathan, wait, please."

"You can't know how frustrated I am with him, Kris. These past three days have been a nightmare. He hasn't shown any remorse whatsoever, and his attitude has been nothing short of appalling. I haven't ever seen him so rebellious and moody in all his days on SeaQuest."

Kristin placed her hands on her hips, feeling her own temper bubble.

"Nathan, I work with Lucas every day, and he's never acted that way towards me. He's usually very polite. Something must be troubling him. Please, I beg you not to be hasty. Find out what's bothering him before you do something you might regret later."

Nathan sighed, his features softening once more. Kristin dropped her hands in relief as she saw Nathan relent somewhat in his firm stance.

"Alright, Kristin; I will let it go for this evening."

Kristin felt her heart fluttering in her chest. "Thank-you."

Seeing Nathan's ire settle somewhat made the tensions building within her relax. Nathan looked at her suddenly with a strange look on his face.

"What?" she asked, returning his odd glance.

Nathan took a few steps towards her and pulled her into a warm hug. She felt more of the tension melt away as he embraced her tightly.

"Tell me what's bothering you, Kris."

Kristin pulled away. "Nothing, Nathan. Why do you keep asking me that?"

Nathan walked towards the moon pool again and perched himself on the edge. Kristin followed him reluctantly. Her melancholy mood was following her.

"Because you've been acting strangely ever since all this nonsense happened with Lucas. Something's eating at you, and I want to know what it is. Now, spill it." His voice sounded firm.

Kristin didn't like the tone of his voice. She felt her face growing warm.

"I'm just tired of you and Lucas being at odds with one another."

"Kristin Westphalen! Stop hedging!"

Kristin felt tears come to her eyes as Nathan scolded her for skirting around his questions.

"I don't want to talk about it, Nathan. Please stop pressuring me."

Nathan stood to his feet and pulled her into an embrace again.

"I'm sorry; I don't mean to press you into telling me, but I know something is bothering you, Kris. I don't know what it is, but I'm here if you want to talk."

She nodded and, suddenly, before she could stop them, the tears began to flow freely as she succumbed to sobs. Her whole body shook as she wept openly into his chest. She appreciated that he didn't badger her into talking while she cried. So much pent-up emotion was inside that she just needed the release. After several minutes, she pulled away, feeling the heat on her cheeks. She felt embarrassed that she had broken down like that. She wiped at her eyes with her sleeves and without another word fled from the deck leaving Nathan standing with his mouth gaping, wondering what the hell was going on.


	2. Chapter 2

Kristin poured herself a cup of camomile tea and sat down on her chair in her quarters. Curling her legs up beneath her, she leaned her head back trying to push the unsettling thoughts from her mind. She never expected to be so inundated with emotions after all this time. Kristin remembered another time when her husband, Nelson, had threatened to physically discipline their daughter, Cynthia. Thankfully Nelson had only toyed with the idea but never actually followed it through to conclusion. It felt disconcerting to Kristin to be hit so hard with sentiments from deep in the past. Lucas wasn't even her child. Why was she letting it bother her so much? Perhaps it was because she'd never given herself permission to even consider corporal punishment so it was never an option in her mind.

For a few years, Cynthia's rebelliousness almost consumed Nelsen and Kristin both even after they divorced. Overwhelming memories from her own childhood eventually caused Kristin to sink into a deep depression. Cynthia hadn't been a bad kid, just a typical teenage girl…hormonal and moody and sullen. Nelson eventually reached his limit of tolerance and things seemed to spin out of control. If the truth was known, Kristin should have shared with him why she was so opposed to corporal punishment, but she just couldn't bring herself to talk about it. It hurt too much and she'd worked hard to forget it and put it past her once she'd moved away from home. She always told herself that she was only going to look forward and never back. Unfortunately, her mind didn't cooperate with her. Kristin should have known that brushing things under the carpet wouldn't help anything. Instead of being proactive and dealing with her emotions, she chose to ignore them. That meant that instead of standing united with her husband, Kristin had sided with her daughter. It had been the wrong message to send to Cynthia which made for many miserable years as the girl grew to adulthood.

Now all these years later, Kristin found herself repeating history, faced with a reality she didn't think she'd ever find herself in ever again. Kristin didn't want to interfere with how Nathan chose to parent Lucas. It was already complicated enough given Lucas' situation. The relationship between Nathan and Lucas was still growing. Nathan was new at parenting a teenager again, and Lucas was used to doing whatever he pleased. Sometimes the situations between them could be precarious at best, and Kristin hated being caught in the middle like some kind of mediator. She loved Nathan and Lucas both but she hadn't signed up for that when she boarded SeaQuest. She knew that Nathan wanted her to help keep him accountable, but she wasn't sure she could do that. She wasn't sure she had the strength to face her own demons yet. Kristin closed her eyes, rubbing a hand across her forehead as memories began to wash over her. As much as she wanted to forget them, they had come back with a vengeance.

 _Fourteen year old Kristin swallowed hard as she pulled herself back onto her bed waiting for her father to come up the stairs. He'd been drinking again and he seemed more out of control than normal. Perspiration peppered her forehead as she anticipated the worst from him. He'd warned her the last time about her sassiness. Only this time, she had embarrassed him in front of his lady friend. Kristin didn't know why he cared anyways. There would always be another lady friend to take her place. All her father cared about was his lady friends. He certainly didn't care about her or her brother, James, at all. Ever since their mother had died a year ago, James and Kristin were all but ignored by their father. Andrew Westphalen didn't seem to care about anything or anyone anymore._

 _Kristin's hands began to tremble when she heard foot falls in the hallway leading to her bedroom. Her father had warned her that this time he'd had enough. Kristin felt enough fear that her stomach threatened to turn itself inside out onto her bed. Swallowing the bile growing in her throat, she pulled herself back as far as she could on her bed, hoping that her father had calmed down enough to talk to her. She jumped when her door burst open forcefully and her father thundered into the room._

 _"You, little girl, are in a whole world of trouble," shouted the man, his accent was much more pronounced when he was drunk. His words were terse and crisp with no hint of a slur. Her father prided himself on being proper in all things. He was a proper English gentleman even when he was drunk._

 _"Daddy, please, I'm sorry," pleaded Kristin, tears streaming down her face._

 _"Silence!" he demanded. "I've heard enough of your cheeky mouth to last a lifetime. It's time I taught you a lesson in respect, young lady. I will not tolerate your insolence any longer. Who I choose to have part of my life is none of your concern. You will be respectful and polite to whomever I bring into this house. Do you understand me?"_

 _Kristin nodded, blinking back an onslaught of tears._

 _"I'm sorry, daddy," she murmured, wishing to do what she could to appease him._

 _Her father furrowed his brows at her and reached for the buckle of his belt around the waist of his pants. Kristin's heartrate increased as she watched him unbuckle it and pull it out of the loops._

 _"Please, daddy, NO!" she begged, her eyes wide in fear._

 _"C'mere," he shouted, reaching for her arm._

 _Kristin pulled away and was immediately on her feet. She pressed herself against the furthest wall away from him. Her heart was racing as she realised that her only route of escape was blocked by her father. She wished that her brother was home but he was out on a date with his girlfriend for the evening. There was no one home to stop what was going to happen to her._

 _Her father folded the belt in half and strode over to her, gasping her arm firmly._

 _"I will not permit you to become some kind of belligerent girl. Not under my watch." He shook her roughly and turned her around, forcing her over the bed._

 _Kristin stared up at him as she cried out in dread. "Please, daddy, don't do this. I'm sorry!"_

 _Andrew Westphalen used one hand to hold her down and raised his other high in the air, bringing the belt down firmly with an almighty snap_.

Kristin shivered at the memory as tears cascaded silently down her cheeks. It was one of the many memories she had of her father in those years. Her father had been a formidable man who never tolerated disrespect in any way, shape or form. It was particularly bad while he drank and that lasted more years than Kristin cared to remember. She wiped away the hot tears on her cheeks, as she stood to her feet to empty her cup of tea that had grown cold on the table. Rinsing the contents down the drain, she heard voices outside her hatch door. She put her head to the hatch and recognised the two voices as Nathan and Lucas'. She opened the door to a very heated conversation between them.

"You never listen to me! You're no different than my dad," accused Lucas, stuffing his hands in his pockets and glaring at Nathan.

"Lucas, I've been trying to listen to you, but you haven't stopped yelling at me long enough to say anything worth listening too. I'm not changing my mind, kiddo. You're grounded for another week."

"That's not fair! That was not our agreement. If I knew you were going to extend it another week, I would have never agreed to you…"

Lucas' voice trailed off and his face reddened. Kristin cleared her throat hoping that the two men would realise that they were arguing right outside her quarters. Both of them seem to ignore her presence and continued arguing. Kristin couldn't quite figure out why they had ended up outside her room. Had one of them wanted to speak with her and the other followed?

"Agreed to what, Lucas? Me hauling you across my knee? Well, you did, but I'm beginning to think I need to repeat the lesson and make it count for something this time because obviously it didn't teach you a thing about respect for authority," snapped Nathan, taking a few threatening steps towards Lucas.

Lucas face paled and he backed up further until his back was to the wall.

"You said it would always be a choice-"

"I've changed my mind!"

Kristin took this as her cue to interrupt the conversation. She stepped between them holding a shaky, sweaty hand up towards each of their chests. Everything she knew about Nathan Bridger told her that the man would regret those words later. Nathan wasn't one to break his word especially concerning Lucas.

"Okay, gentleman, back in your corners. You both get a time out for hitting below the belt."

Kristin felt tears burning the back of her eyes as she glared at both of them. She felt her heart rate pick up in her chest as her eyes met Nathans'. She knew he was angry but several emotions flashed in his eyes. He also seemed downhearted and conflicted by Lucas' outburst. She gave him a sympathetic look. She hoped he would take a few moments to collect himself, and she felt certain that he already regretted much of what he had just said. She knew Nathan had been working hard to gain Lucas' trust, and the words he had just said would do nothing but erode that trust.

Kristin dropped her hands and turned to Lucas.

"Sweetie, why don't you go to your quarters and calm down for a bit? I think you and Nathan need some time apart. Does that sound okay?"

Lucas brushed at his eyes and Kristin couldn't help but see the tears of frustration in them. Her heart ached to draw him in for hug but knew it wasn't the time or the place.

"I need a break from him!"

Kristin reached out and lightly patted his arm. "I think both of you need some space. Go on; I'll stop in to check on you later."

Lucas shot Nathan another glare before he turned on his heel and took off running down the hall. Kristin and Nathan stood side by side watching him disappear around the corner. Kristin could feel the tension radiating from Nathan. She looked at him from the corner of her eye and saw the muscles in his jaw clench several times.

"Would you like some tea, Nathan?"

He looked at her and shook his head. "No, thanks. I think I need some time alone, Kris."

With those final words, Nathan walked away leaving Kristin alone with her thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Kristin carefully removed the dog-eared photo from between the pages of her journal and took another sip of her tea. She didn't even know why she kept the photo since all it did was remind her of things she'd rather forget. She forced the tears back determined not to let them overtake her this time. She was a grown woman for heaven sakes. She stole a glance at the photo and felt her breath catch in her throat. It was no use. As much as she tried to keep them at bay, the tears came anyway. So many years had passed since the photo was taken, but she remembered the day like it was yesterday. She wiped away the tears and reached for a Kleenex trying to keep herself from travelling back in time. Why did she have to keep hanging on to the past? James was dead. And so was her father for that matter. The past should stay in the past except James and she had never ever dealt with it. Neither of them had ever faced the elephant in the room and, now, after all these years, James was gone and Kristin was alone with it.

Her ex-husband had told her more times than she cared to admit that she should speak with a counsellor—that her mistrust and coolness made her a slave to the past and unable to embrace life in the present. Of course, it was easier to sweep it all under the carpet and ignore it even though it affected her in more ways than one. Facing her demons was too painful and it just felt easier to dust things aside. Over time, it became easier to keep people at a distance especially after Nelsen left and Cynthia grew up. Keeping people at arm's length made her world feel safer. Facing the memories and pain just caused her to be riddled with nightmares. And regret. And emptiness. It was just simpler to keep her memories locked away.

Kristin took another drink of her tea, set the mug on the coffee table and lay back on the sofa. She fingered the photograph gently with her thumb and forefinger. James looked so strong and alive in the picture with his arm slung over her shoulder, ever her protector and best friend. Her eyes turned to the young, gangly teen version of herself smiling back with hollow eyes. Anyone looking at the photo would see a happy-go-lucky girl, but it was so far from the truth. She'd stopped being happy the day her mother died and her father chose alcohol over James and her. Life had been unbearable and some days she thought she'd never survive. And things just got worse after James left her behind.

 _"Please, Jamie, can't you just stay for one more year? I'll be 16 then and-"_

 _James rubbed his hands on his jeans. "Krissy, this is a better plan, I promise. Once I get settled and I get into a routine, you can stay with me as often as you like."_

 _Kristin shook her head. "He'll never allow that, James, and you know it. Please, you can't leave me alone with him…" Her voice trailed off as sobs took over._

 _James squirmed uncomfortably. He never did know how to deal with the tears. "Come on, Krissy, don't be like this. I want a happy picture of us to put in my dorm room."_

 _Kristin smiled as her older brother snapped a bunch of photos of them with his tripod. The pictures showed her smiling but, inside, her heart was being torn to shreds. She didn't think she'd ever smile again once James was gone. She was shaking like a leaf. James was the only one to ever stand up for her and protect her. People scurried around the bus depot, rushing to catch the right bus. Kristin hugged herself as a cold emptiness swept over her. When James was gone, there would be nothing to stop her father._

 _James lifted her chin. "I can't do anything until I'm 18, Krissy, and it's killing me watching him hurt you—"_

 _"So, you're just going to leave so you don't have to watch? Is that it?" snapped Kristin, anger in her voice. She couldn't help how betrayed his words made her feel. She knew it wasn't James' job to protect her but she still couldn't bear the thought of him leaving her alone._

 _"Kristin, what do you want me to do?"_

 _"Stay! Don't leave me, Jamie! Please."_

 _James ran a hand through his auburn hair before drawing her into a hug and planting a kiss on her head. He held her tightly for much longer than he ever had before. Kristin clung to him wishing he'd never let her go. As he pulled away from her, she fought the desire to make a huge scene and beg him to stay._

 _"I'll send for you as soon as I can, Krissy. I'm sorry, but I have to go."_

 _Kristin watched with tears swimming in her eyes as her best friend, confidant and protector boarded the Greyhound bus. She shivered as she wrapped one arm around her waist. She couldn't bring herself to wave at him. Instead, she stared at his eyes as the bus drove away. She'd never forget the regret she saw in his eyes._

More tears traced the path of the ones before them, dripping onto her blouse. Kristin heaved a sigh feeling thrown off balance by the flood of memories; she'd forgiven James a long time ago for leaving her behind. She didn't understand where the unsettled emotions were coming from. She fully understood why he left and she never truly held it against him. She smiled at the picture, brushing her fingers against Jamie's young, handsome face and blinking back tears. The emotions she was feeling were utterly ridiculous. She'd worked far too hard to forget it to be derailed by circumstances now. Part of the reason she'd accepted the position on SeaQuest was to get away from the dreary everyday routine of her life. Her love for science had permeated her life forever and the amazing opportunity afforded by SeaQuest was too good to pass up. Getting away from the mundane was a positive thing for her but so was escaping the potential of being involved in cases of injured children. She just didn't have the stomach to deal with it. Then she met Lucas.

Lucas Wolenczak was a mystery. The boy had stolen her heart from the minute she set foot onboard SeaQuest. So much potential wrapped up inside the cocky kid. His cockiness kept people at arm's length as well and she understood that but she also recognised that it was a façade that he put up to hide his fears of rejection. In some ways, Lucas and Kristin were kindred spirits. Kristin had been so pleased to see Nathan pull the youngster under his wing. Lucas was starved for a father's attention and affection. And yes, she understood the boy also needed discipline. Discipline just came as part of the package of raising a child.

A firm knock was heard at the door, pulling her out of her reverie. Kristin rose to her feet and approached the hatch door. She paused for a minute to peer at her face in the mirror beside the door. She wiped at her face and attempted to straighten her hair. There was no point in anyone noticing that she was upset. She would deal with the feelings all in good time just like she always did. Opening the door, she came face to face with the concerned eyes of Nathan Bridger.

"Can we talk?"

Kristin smiled and stood back to allow Nathan entrance into her room. Nathan walked inside and began pacing back and forth ushering in with him nervous tension. Kristin walked over to the sofa and picked up her teacup tracing a finger over the rim of the fine china. She chewed on the inside of her cheek feeling an awkward silence permeate the room.

"What am I doing wrong, Kristin?" Nathan said finally, exhaling bitter exasperation into her quarters.

"Nothing, Nathan."

Nathan looked at her and shook his head. "I've been walking up and down the corridors deck after deck, trying to replay everything over in my mind-"

"What about Bill?"

Nathan scratched his bristled face. "He's in a meeting in the Wardroom. We can't proceed any further until the repairs are made on the bridge anyway."

"From Lucas' little escapade?"

Nathan nodded, still pacing.

Kristin walked towards him and took his hand gently. She pulled him towards the nearest chair, encouraging him to sit down.

"No one said raising kids would be easy, Nathan-"

Nathan groaned and nodded, shifting his position on the chair to make himself more comfortable.

"I'm sorry I stormed off earlier."

Kristin sat down across from him and dismissed his concern with a wave of her hand. "No need to apologise, Nathan. I knew you were frustrated. Taking some time for yourself was the right thing to do. Did you come up with a solution?"

"You mean short of pulling him back over my knee?"

Kristin tried to hide her grimace and was thankful that Nathan didn't seem to notice.

"That's not what I meant."

"I have no idea what to do. He's been confrontational and argumentative throughout this whole grounding. He won't listen to reason. Hell, I can't even get him to stay in the same room as me without stalking off. Initially, I had approached him when he was playing with Darwin on c-deck. All I said is that he didn't have permission to be off on his own. If he was mad at me then he needed to be with you or Jonathan. He stalked off towards your quarters and, well, you heard the rest."

"Nathan, you need to stop threatening him. It's not helping."

Nathan stood up again. "What else am I supposed to do? He's refusing to submit to being grounded. I can't let him away with ignoring my authority, Kristin, can I? He's still a child."

Kristin felt her hands shaking again as she looked up at Nathan's angry face. She closed her eyes for a few moments to gain her stability.

"Please sit down, Nathan. You're making me nervous."

Nathan frowned and cast a concerned look towards her as he sat back down.

"Are you feeling alright, Kristin?"

Kristin nodded and looked at her hands awkwardly, fidgeting with her fingers. She lifted her chin up to see that Nathan had noticed the photograph sitting on her coffee table. Nathan picked up the picture and glanced at it.

"Missing James?"

Kristin nodded feeling her eyes fill with tears once again. She bit her lip hard and swallowed the lump in her throat. Keeping her emotions in check was proving to be a lot more difficult than it had in the past. What was it about Nathan that seemed to draw her out of herself no matter how hard she tried to keep things bottled up?

Nathan cleared his throat as he fingered the picture. "What made you think of him?"

"I'm not really sure," she lied hoping her face wouldn't betray her. Kristin knew she wasn't a good liar under the best of circumstances. "I was reading through my old journal and the picture dropped out."

"How old were you here?"

"I was 15. It was the day James left for university."

"You looked so sad."

Kristin sat forward reaching for the picture. "You think so?" She'd always thought so as well but hoped she'd done a better job masking it from James.

"Well, I know you're smiling but something in your eyes tells me you were really hurting inside."

Kristin returned the picture to her journal again hoping to change the topic. Her feelings were too raw and close to the surface for her to discuss her brother with Nathan.

"It was a long time ago, and I'm being silly." Kristin stood to her feet. "Would you like something to drink?" Kristin walked into her little kitchenette and she heard Nathan follow her.

Coming up behind her, he drew her into a hug.

"Something has been bothering you for the past week or so, Kristin. I keep dumping my problems on you and you keep pulling further away from me. Please tell me what's bothering you. I'm beginning to think it's something I did."

Kristin leaned into him and shook her head, wiping some tears that insisted on betraying her.

"Oh, Nathan, it's nothing you did, I promise. Didn't Carol ever cry for no good reason? Women do that sometimes. It's the nature of the beast."

Nathan released his embrace and turned her around looking deeply into her eyes. He leaned in and planted a tender kiss on her lips. Kristin felt herself shiver. She couldn't help but kiss him back with a little more passion than she intended. Their lips parted and Kristin's heart quickened as she felt his tongue tease hers. As much as it felt so good in the moment, her mind was whirling. Kristin felt her cheeks heat up as she pulled away suddenly and hid her face in his chest attempting to catch her breath.

"You know you can tell me anything, Kristin. I have big shoulders; I can take it."

Kristin nodded not wanting to move away from the warmth of his embrace. She looked up at Nathan's dark eyes to see him wink at her.

"I'm supposed to be helping you, Nathan, not the other way around."

"Says who?"

A soft knock at the door interrupted them.

Nathan rubbed Kristin's forearms gently and went to answer the door. Kristin's heart dropped when she saw Lucas' face sheepish face appear.

"Uh, sorry, I thought you'd be alone. I can come back…" stammered Lucas, taking a few steps back, looking ready to flee.

Nathan reached out and grasped his arm firmly. "Hold on, Lucas. Come in."

Lucas' and Kristin's eyes met briefly as Nathan pulled him into the room closing the hatch door.

Lucas walked across the room placing himself at the farthest point away from Nathan. He put his back to the wall and plunged his hands into his pockets looking extremely uncomfortable.

"We need to talk, Kiddo," replied Nathan, not unkindly, rubbing the tension from the back of his neck.

"I think I'll go and check on some patients in Med-bay," said Kristin, trying to excuse herself. "Feel free to use my quarters for as long as you like."

Lucas' eyes widened. "Don't leave. Please."

"Lucas, you and Nathan need to talk. I don't think…"

"I don't want to talk to him. I came to talk to you!"

Nathan crossed his arms. "Look, Lucas, I've reached the end of my patience with you. You've been traipsing all over the ship on your own and that wasn't part of our deal."

"What deal? Your idiotic idea of some kind of archaic punishment? I think it's all null and void since you broke your own word, Captain."

"What word did I break, Lucas?"

Lucas glared at Nathan. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Lucas," growled Nathan, obvious frustration in his voice.

Kristin clenched her fists and hid them behind her back. Things were quickly heating up again and Kristin was feeling trapped.

"You said one week, Captain. I agreed to that and, now, you've prolonged it by another week-"

Nathan furrowed a brow, his annoyance showing plainly on his face. "Actually, I'm considering extending it by two weeks. I'm sick of your attitude."

Lucas' mouth dropped open and anger flooded his features. "What the hell-"

Kristin's heart rate increased. "Lucas, calm down before you say something you'll regret."

"I don't care!" hissed Lucas at Kristin then turned his angry glare to Nathan. "You're sick of my attitude? What about me? Huh? You stomp around all high and mighty ordering everyone around, and you don't even care what anyone thinks. You have no right to order me around. I'm not even part of your stupid military crew. I'm just some poor sucker stuck on this whale…"

"That's enough!"

Kristin jumped at the anger in Nathan's voice. She could tell that Nathan had reached the end of his patience with the boy. Nathan stocked across the room and took the teenager firmly by the arm.

"Apologise to Kristin. NOW!"

Lucas swallowed several times, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in nervous trepidation. "I-I'm sorry, Dr. Westphalen, I…"

"You and I are going to have a little discussion in my quarters. Right. Now."

Nathan led Lucas to the door of the hatch more harshly than Kristin expected. Lucas' face drained of all colour and his eyes pleaded with Kristin to intervene on his behalf.

Kristin licked her lips cautiously as she walked towards them. "Nathan, wait a minute. Do you really think this is a good time to…?"

Nathan glared at Lucas and pointed a stern finger at him. "Don't. Move."

Lucas swallowed again and nodded, remaining quiet.

Nathan hooked his arm in the crook of Kristin's elbow and led her towards the kitchenette with their backs to Lucas.

"I need to deal with this now, Kristin."

"What are you going to do?"

"Kris…" Nathan scrubbed a hand over his face obviously not wishing to discuss it.

"You asked me before to keep you accountable, Nathan Bridger. Tell me what you plan to do. Please." Kristin felt tears come to her eyes. Her heart was beating fast in her chest, and she was on the verge of panicking, not even knowing why.

Nathan sighed and looked towards Lucas who was fidgeting anxiously.

"I'm not going to do anything rash, Kristin. I'm just going to talk with him."

"He could have left the room when you commanded him to stay, but he didn't," reasoned Kristin, feeling like she needed to be clear how she saw matters. "He loves you, Nathan. You don't need to strike him to make him obey you. You need to listen to him. Please, I'm begging you." Kristin's hands trembled, and she felt tears cascade down her cheeks. This time she didn't try to stop them. She allowed her tears to flow freely.

Nathan's features softened as he reached out to grasp her hands. "Kris, you're shaking."

Kristin glanced over at Lucas, whose face stared back in concern. She watched him wander hesitantly over to them.

"Are you okay, Doc?"

Kristin attempted to speak but, instead, her voice caught in her throat. She looked at both of the startled men in front of her and felt weak in the knees.

"No, no, Lucas, I'm not okay."

Kristin covered her face and began to sob.


	4. Chapter 4

Kristin accepted the glass of water that Lucas handed her and offered him a weak smile in return. Her hands were still shaking as she put the glass to her lips. She felt heat on her cheeks as she swallowed a small sip of the cold liquid. Her mind was whirling, and she felt embarrassed at the same time. Her behaviour had nothing to do with the situation she found herself in the middle of with Nathan and Lucas. She knew she was overreacting. Nathan wasn't anything like her father. Common sense told her that Nathan would never harm Lucas. Tensions were running high, and Nathan was frustrated. That was what was coming across in his words and actions towards Lucas. Kristin looked up at Lucas' blue eyes and she didn't see fear in them at all. In fact, at the moment, both Nathan and Lucas were standing side by side with looks of concern so sincere that it made warmed Kristin's heart. She knew in that moment that any disagreement between them would be handled amicably. It always had been in the past and she had no doubts in her mind that they always would be. She really couldn't explain why she was being so affected.

"Feeling any better, Doc? I'm really sorry if I upset you."

Kristin reached out and patted his hand gently. "I'm fine, Lucas. You didn't upset me. I'm the one who should apologize." Kristin felt at a loss for words to explain her behaviour to the teenager. She didn't really want him to know why she'd lost all sense of reality in those few moments. She didn't feel like she even made sense to herself.

Lucas sat down beside her on the sofa still looking at her with concern plastered all over his face. Nathan sat on the coffee table in front of her, his brows furrowed in concern. The whole situation was making Kristin feel even more unsettled. She had never intended to draw such attention to herself. Kristin chewed on her lip feeling a need to escape their prying eyes rise up within her. She rose to her feet and wandered towards her bed needing a few moments to recollect herself. From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Nathan putting an arm around Lucas' shoulders. The action pricked her conscience, making her emotional breakdown seem even more ridiculous.

"Lucas, do you think you could give Kristin and me some time alone?"

Lucas nodded casting a glance at Kristin. "Yah, sure." He hesitated for a moment then turned his attention back to Nathan with a look of contrition flooding his face. "Uh, I'm sorry, Captain, for getting so mad I mean. I…uh…never meant to make Kristin so upset. I hope you know that." He stumbled over his words and Kristin turned to see colour brush his cheeks.

Nathan pulled him into a brief sideways hug. "I know you didn't, kiddo. It's not your fault. I think both of us just lost our heads a little. We'll discuss it later, okay?"

Lucas nodded with a solemn look still on his face. "Okay."

"Hey, we'll figure this out, Lucas, okay? I promise." Nathan said, sounding a lot more like himself than he had before. Much of the terse anger had melted away and was replaced with that comradery Kristin was used to seeing.

Lucas nodded. Kristin noticed the teenager inhale deeply, releasing some of the tension in his shoulders when he exhaled. The boy's tightly clenched jaw relaxed, giving Nathan a small smile. Lucas took one last look at Kristin and left the room without another word.

Kristin wrung her hands together trying to clear her mind enough to know how to converse with Nathan when he turned to face her. She blinked back more tears as he approached her and pulled her into a tight embrace. She melted into his hug and allowed herself a few more minutes to indulge in her tears. As much as she felt like she was being silly, it felt good to be held. Nathan made her feel safe and loved. The logical part of her brain was rebuking her for allowing herself to give in to that need. She'd spent so much time keeping people away from this part of her life. She swore she'd never let anyone into this hidden compartment of her past. She also didn't know why, right now, out of the blue, she'd started to come unravelled.

"I'm sorry, Nathan. I don't know what came over me."

Nathan tightened his embrace and rested his strong chin on her head.

"Kristin, don't apologise. Talk to me."

Kristin shuddered at his commanding tone. She could tell he was tired of her beating around the bush. It wasn't so much that his tone was demanding; it was quite the opposite, actually. It was more of an appeal to her better judgment. Kristin pulled away and wrapped a protective arm around her midsection, an unconscious action she'd developed as a teenager.

"I'm afraid I don't even know where to begin, Nathan."

Nathan dropped his hands to his side and looked deeply into her eyes.

"The beginning might be a good place."

Kristin's eyes flashed at him in exasperation, but the look quickly faded away as she noticed a small smile playing on his lips mixed with genuine concern.

Nathan walked towards her sofa, sitting down and stretching out his legs.

"Last week, when the two of us chatted about what I should do about Lucas, you alluded to something. When I questioned you about it, you brushed it off as inconsequential. My gut tells me otherwise. You've been acting strangely whenever you see Lucas and I argue. It's unlike you, Kris. I've never seen you shy away from a disagreement before."

Kristin lowered her head and nodded. It was true. Kristin Westphalen was a red-blooded Brit through and through. She never backed down from a fight in her life. If anything, she was a force to be reckoned with under fire. She didn't know why she'd been reduced to a frightened kitten either.

Kristin threw her hands up in the air in dismay. "I don't know what's wrong with me!"

"Sit and talk to me, Kristin."

Kristin sighed and obeyed, taking a seat across from him in her chair. As she sat, she picked up her journal and fished out the picture from between its' crisp pages.

"James left for university the day that picture was taken." Kristin handed Nathan the picture. "I was so angry with him for leaving me."

Nathan took the photo and furrowed a brow in confusion.

"You didn't want him to go?"

Kristin shook her head. "No, I didn't. I didn't want him to leave me alone with my father."

Nathan looked surprised but remained silent.

Kristin took a deep breath. "After my mother died, my father became distant. He was terribly crushed by her death. We all were, except my father forgot that we missed her too. He turned to alcohol for comfort, leaving James and me to fend for ourselves most of the time."

"Oh, Kris, I'm so sorry."

"So am I. It wasn't all that horrible at first, but over time, Father became lonely and sought out female companionship. Under normal circumstances, that's difficult enough for a child to accept, but my father was just plain cruel about it. He was a perfect British gentleman and very well respected doctor in the community. The women that came to spend time with him were very dignified and wealthy, used to children holding a certain, shall I say, role in the household. I never was one to hold my tongue."

Kristin saw the smirk that graced Nathan's face, but she couldn't fault him for it so she continued.

"Things quickly turned from bad to horrific in our home. I guess you could say I wasn't very nice to the women my father chose as companions. He didn't take very kindly to my attitude."

Nathan nodded, his eyes twinkling. "I feel his pain."

Kristin smirked and relaxed a bit. Nathan's light-heartedness was helping her feel safe enough to share.

"I'm sure you do. Anyway, my father was nothing like you, Nathan. He chose to handle his ire by being much more hands-on than you normally are with Lucas." Kristin hesitated and squirmed uncomfortably as she thought about how she was going to explain herself. "Up until last week, you always handled Lucas' misbehaviour diplomatically—"

"And last week?" prompted Nathan, sitting up uneasily.

"Last week, you shocked me, Nathan. What you did was so uncharacteristic of what I know of you. It left me feeling uncertain. I'm not saying what you did was wrong, but it seriously caught me off guard."

"You mean because I spanked Lucas?"

Kristin nodded.

"Kristin, I thought we discussed this and you were okay with what happened?"

"We did and I am." Kristin sighed, not really knowing how to explain herself. "I guess when I saw you and Lucas at odds this week and you becoming so angry and threatening a repeat of last week, it brought up certain feelings from my past. I never said how I was feeling made any rational sense."

Nathan clenched his jaw, the muscles visibly contracting. "Did something happen between you and your father, Kristin?"

Kristin stood to her feet again and tucked an unruly strand of hair behind one ear.

"My father wasn't a patient man, even when my mother was alive, but he was never unkind. He was always judiciously fair in everything he did, and he never raised a hand to either James or me. But something just broke inside him after she died and…" Kristin's voice trailed off and tears streamed down her cheeks again. She took a few steps away and turned her back to him.

Nathan rose to his feet and came up behind her, pulling her into another embrace. Kristin leaned into his warmth and used it to gain her momentum to speak once again. If she was going to start something, she was determined to at least not make herself look like an emotional basket case.

"It's okay, Kristin; I think I understand where you're going with this."

Kristin shook her head. "I don't think you do, Nathan."

Kristin sucked on her bottom lip and took a deep breath before swinging around to face Nathan.

"I don't know if I can talk about it. I've spent my whole life trying to forget what he did to me, Nathan. I'm not sure if I have the strength to open up Pandora's Box after all these years."

Nathan reached for her hands and held them. "You can't hide your skeletons, Kris, and not expect them to come back and haunt you. Sooner or later, you have to stop running and face things head-on. I'm a walking, talking and breathing example of that. I wasted years mourning the death of Robert. I hid away on an island, trying to hide from life and became a very bitter man. Carol might not have died on that blasted island had I not been trying to run away from myself. I was a bitter, hostile man and the only one that suffered was me; well, and Carol while she was still alive. In the end, I still had to face myself. I still had to look at myself in the mirror."

Tears cascaded down Kristin's cheeks as she listened to Nathan's words. Nothing he said was a surprise to her. She knew that she was hiding from her past. She never had a problem with it before. Well, that wasn't completely true. When Cynthia was young, it had been a big problem, maybe bigger than she even wanted to admit. She always liked to think that Nelsen leaving wasn't all her fault. They both stopped trying at some point along the way. They both mutually gave up on their marriage. Their divorce had been amicable. She didn't even miss being married until she'd heard Nelsen had remarried years later. Somehow that knowledge had made her feel lonely and, yes, very much like a failure.

"I-I don't think I can admit it to myself, Nathan."

Nathan pulled away. "Kristin, you are one of the strongest women I know. You can do this. I think I already know what you're going to tell me anyway if that eases your mind any."

Kristin felt her heart rate increase and took a few steps back. All the years she was married to Nelsen, even if he had guessed her secret, he never named it. He simply told her she needed to get help dealing with her issues, for Cynthia's sake. Of course, Kristin knew he would have had to be stupid not to know. She felt sure that he knew. How could he not?

"My f-father wasn't anything like you, Nathan. And I-I don't want you to be like him. You are a kind and gentle man. Please, I beg you; promise me that you will never raise a hand to Lucas again." Her eyes pleaded with him with a certain kind of bleak desperation.

Nathan sighed and placed his hands on his hips looking down at the floor. "Kristin, please don't ask me to make a promise that I may not be able to keep." He raised his head to look at her again. "I have no idea how I'm going to handle things with him yet. I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants here. I can promise you this, though. I won't do anything when I'm angry. I admit, this evening I was furious with him, and I might have done something I regret if you hadn't stepped in…" Nathan hesitated, stopping mid-sentence and scrubbing a hand over his face.

"What is it, Nathan?" prompted Kristin, seeing indecisiveness and something else she couldn't quite place sweep across his face.

Nathan was quiet for a moment then shook his head. "It's nothing."

"Now who's keeping secrets?"

Nathan turned away, raking a hand through his hair.

Now it was Kristin's turn to be concerned. "Nathan…"

Nathan heaved a weary sigh before turning to face her. "I can't help thinking about Bobby."

"Your son?" Kristin was surprised to hear Nathan speak about Robert. It was the part of Nathan's life she knew very little about, but she respected his privacy enough not to pry. They both had scars from the past they'd rather not share with anyone.

Nathan nodded. "The more I've tried to use this time to figure out things with Lucas, the more he's pulled away from me. This isn't my first rodeo with a teenage boy. I should know what I'm doing now."

Kristin's tears were drying on her cheeks as she turned a concerned eye on Nathan. Much of what he was saying struck a chord with her. She knew that things weren't quite right with him. He hadn't been acting like himself at all. She'd noticed it earlier when he'd first started questioning himself regarding disciplining Lucas. It wasn't like Nathan to second guess himself.

"Every child is different, Nathan."

"Oh, I know that and Lucas and Bobby are nothing alike. For one, Bobby was far more reckless than Lucas." Nathan chuckled and walked towards the chair once more, sitting down and leaning his elbows on his knees. "Drinking and partying was a normal event with Bobby. Drove Carol and me up the wall. That kid spent the better part of his teen years grounded because of his antics." He licked his lips and continued, "The thing is, Lucas' isn't like that. He rarely if ever gets in trouble. His behaviour as of late has been so uncharacteristic of him; his attitude has reminded me so much of Robert at that age. I was away on tour for a good many years during Robert's adolescence and many of my trips home resulted in me being the bad guy rather than truly connecting with him. I can't tell you how much I regret that."

Kristin sat down on the sofa across from Nathan and hugged a sofa cushion to her chest. "No one said parenting was easy and I'm sure Robert understood, Nathan. After all, he did choose to follow you into the navy."

Nathan sighed. "Bobby and I had a really rocky relationship for a good many years. I guess Lucas' outlandish behaviour rubbed me the wrong way, and I wanted to nip it in the bud. I don't have the stamina to go through all that I did with Robert with Lucas." He leaned back, resting his head on the back of the chair. "It was hard enough the first time. I think in my attempt to prevent a repeat of the past, I really messed things up with Lucas. Damn it. He's such a level-headed kid. I guess I hoped he'd skip over the stupidity of adolescence."

Kristin couldn't help but smile at Nathans admission. "You can't stop him from growing up. It's inevitable, Nathan, besides Lucas loves and respects you very much. Like it or not, you're human and you make mistakes like everyone else. Lucas will understand if you just listen to him and give him a chance to redeem himself. I would even suggest sharing with him some of what you just shared with me."

He considered her words for several moments and smiled at her, his eyes twinkling. "Lucas and I are pretty damned lucky to have you in our lives, aren't we?"

Kristin blinked back a fresh onslaught of tears, not even knowing why. She wasn't used to being so emotional. Nathan smiled at her knowingly. The truth of the matter was all three of them were lucky to have each other. They had become their own surrogate family, drawing strength from each other. Each of them wounded in their own individual ways and, yet each offering the others a unique kind of healing.

"Your father hurt you, didn't he?" said Nathan, suddenly bringing the topic back around to Kristin.

Kristin was taken aback by the sudden direction switch. She blinked a few times as she heard the words Nathan said. She heard them, but they felt like words describing someone else's life, not hers. Kristin stood up and stared down at Nathan sitting in the chair.

"Nathan, please, I don't wish to discuss this any further…"

Nathan stood and reached for her arm, placing a firm grip on her wrist. "Your father hit you, didn't he? And I'm not talking about a simple spanking like I gave Lucas. He really hurt you."

Kristin put her free hand to her mouth and shook her head. She didn't want to hear the words said out loud. It hurt far too much to hear them spoken.

"No, no, Nathan, please, don't…"

"What did he do to you, Kristin? Tell me."

"It doesn't matter now. It was years ago, and I'm a grown woman now, Nathan. Please let me go."

Nathan released her, and she fled across the room with her back to him. She heard him cross the room after her and gasped when he spun her around.

"It does matter. Look at yourself; you're having a breakdown because Lucas and I were arguing. You're trembling and crying for no apparent reason? Sorry, I'm not buying it. Kristin, talk to me. Please." Nathan's voice held a tone of pleading in it.

"It was more than just an argument, Nathan. You're not acting like yourself and it frightens me." Kristin covered her mouth and closed her eyes, wishing the floor would swallow her up. Her mind exploded with memories.


End file.
